Last 10/21, i celebrated our anniversary with of course, Oliver’s family:-) It’s been like a tradition already and sort of a reunion since it’s almost always the only time of the year when I could get to really see the other members of his family who are really close to me. Haplessly with this year’s mini celebration, we weren’t able to have papa Turing join us since he has work that day.
This year is the 6th year that I’m celebrating our anniversary alone. Oh well, I know for sure he is also merry-making this day with his angel pals in heaven, but i couldn’t deny the fact that I still miss those few precious moments we spent celebrating this special day together–or at least every 21st of the month.
I would be honest to say that the manner I celebrated our anniversary this year was very different from the previous years. Well, I still went to his grave and brought him flowers, met his family lunchtime and had lunch with them, and talked about him a bit–but perhaps God has really changed a good portion of my heart on how to deal with my past, with that particular episode of my life. God enlightened me completely that what happened was His will, His perfect plan for both our lives. Back then, I was so confused and blinded of the real purpose, the reason why God let that thing happened, but I chose to be faithful and wait for that time when I could finally understand the reason why. When I found my way back to God in 2007 and started my walk with Him, I started to see the reasons behind. It’s as if God really opened my eyes.
I keep saying this: God loves me so much that He let that thing happened to me. I believe that and will believe that till the day I could get to meet my Savior face to face. God has lots of great plans for me but He wants to be part of that plan as the sole Anchor that He decided to break first my hardened heart with that tragedy so He could get in. It might be hard to understand at first and some would even think of God as selfish or brutal, but once you get to know Him and understand His words perfectly, you’ll feel even overwhelmed of God’s love for you.
I lost one of the great loves of my life, the only man who first believed in me and saw the real beauty and treasure in me–physically. For I know that in my heart and in my mind, Oliver will always stay with me. I might have lost him but I found the greatest MAN one could ever have-JESUS!
During the first few years since Oliver died, I always tell myself that I will only open my heart and love again when I’ll finally meet that guy who is deserving enough to make me take off the necklace that Oliver gave me from my neck. Well guess what? I still hasn’t found that mortal guy. But someone even more special and more deserving made me take off that necklace. JESUS. Now, I’m no longer wearing that necklace. I’m now more than ready to move and let go, NOT really forgetting Oliver but more of, truly accepting the fact that he’s more than happy living his life with God now and His angels and that I still have a life to live.
When I accepted God in my heart, my life became more at peace and joyful for I know that I am walking with the Greatest MAn this world could ever have.
God’s been the source of my strength throughout those mourning years. He’s been my shield and sole protector. If not for God, I might have long bid this world goodbye. I love Oliver but I love God more!
God made the wonderful difference in the manner I celebrated our anniversary this year:-)
Note: repost (october 2010)