Holding The Hand You Cannot See

In times of trials and anguish, how will you hold on to the hand you cannot see?

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The worries of the unknown future keep trying to bring me down the past few weeks. When I decided to leave my comfort zone behind and followed what God wants me to do, I know that blessings would follow, but I also know that this leap of faith also entails a lot of trials and struggles as the enemy will never stop until I would say “I QUIT.”

I’ve been holding on to the promise of God that He will not forsake me nor leave me and that He will be with me till the end. In all honesty, there were days when I felt like giving up and just go back to my comfort zone–the former school which I left to obey God; a place where everything’s settled and I don’t have to worry for the number of enrollees or what strategy to use to promote the school; a place where I found the most pleasure and happiness being with the little bunch of angels I’ve grown to love with all my heart.

There were moments when I couldn’t contain my emotions anymore and I would just burst into tears while looking at my former students’ pictures. Yes, I’m a self-confessed drama queen. I’m a cry-baby and perhaps I’m the most ‘attached’ preschool teacher of all, the one who can never move on from the memories of her former students. I am missing them terribly and in most days, I would yearn to go back to the laid-back days when I would just wait for them to arrive in school and be excited of their new antics and just feel super blessed every time I get to have free sweet hugs and kisses from them.

I figured out, just now while I’m typing this, that these “I’m terribly missing them” moments were not just merely human emotions. These were also being used by the enemy to bring me down and quit this fight.

The struggles and the trials which accompanied this leap of faith didn’t fail to show up. Sometimes, I even feel that they’re sitting with me on the table while I’m doing my lesson plans and worksheets. I could hear them whispering to me, telling me that this sacrifice is of no use if it’s not making me happy and it’s just driving me nuts.

I was almost lured. But Father God told me to pause and look outside my window.

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I looked everywhere and above. My eyes seemed to find some sense of comfort looking at the fluffy bunch of clouds resting on their own place in the sky.

Indescribably, I found in my heart that peace I’ve been trying to look for the past few weeks. That small spark of hope I’ve been keeping in my treasure chest seemed to burst out and create a fireworks of excitement and Utopia within me.

No, I won’t give up. God’s been telling me never to give up. He’s been telling me to just be still. I may not see how He’s working but I just have to trust that He’s doing the works. I may be standing on the verge of uncertainty right now but I trust that God is faithful to His promises and that it was Him who put me into the very place, the season where I am now so I could understand and get to know Him more.

Prayer’s my best armor. I let my guard down and cried out to God, as if to let Him know what I’m really feeling even though I know that He’s already well aware of that. I prayed for bigger faith, a faith that could shut those negative whispers away from my ears and send those struggles and trials shaking in fear. I prayed for more patience that I could continue to wait on Him till the day He will reveal His purpose to me why He brought me to this place. I prayed for a change of heart, a heart that would no longer make room for worries and a heart would continue to trust Him and praise Him even if things are not going the way I’ve dreamed of it or envisioned it to be.

Though I couldn’t see His hand holding mine, God’s been so gracious to give me words of encouragement to empower me for the coming days:

Habakkuk 2:3 “For the revelation awaits an appointed time; it speaks of the end and will not prove false. Though it lingers, wait for it. It will certainly come and will not delay.”

Zechariah 10:1 “Ask the Lord for rain in the springtime; It is the Lord who makes the storm clouds. he gives showers of rain to men and plants of the field to everyone.”

Zechariah 8:3 ” As you have been an object of cursing among the nations, o Judah and Israel, so i will save you and you will be a blessing. Do not be afraid but let your hands be strong.”

These are some of the promises I’ve been holding on to since the start of this battle. I know that I will get through this through God’s grace. This will be another testimony I could share to other people once I finished this victoriously.

The clouds outside my window this afternoon, seemed to me, were assurance from God that things will be better and okay in the coming days. I know and I’m claiming that His blessings are on their way.

I may not see His hands holding mine but I know that God’s grip is stronger than mine. I know He’s not giving up on me. Who am I to give up on my God that easily? No way! The God I’m serving, whose hands I’m holding, and whose precious hands strongly holding mine, is bigger and greater than my present battle. And We will win this because He’s a God who never gives up. And I’m His daughter who chose to continue this fight and be on His side whatever it takes.

AFTERPIECE:

This song keeps playing in my head for days now. I know this was especially written for lovers but I believe this is very fitting for my present season:-)

“I Won’t Give Up”

Hmmmm … Hmmmm … Hmmmm … Hmmm …When I look into your eyes
It’s like watching the night sky
Or a beautiful sunrise
There’s so much they hold
And just like them old stars
I see that you’ve come so far
To be right where you are
How old is your soul?I won’t give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I’m giving you all my love
I’m still looking up

And when you’re needing your space
To do some navigating
I’ll be here patiently waiting
To see what you find

‘Cause even the stars they burn
Some even fall to the earth
We’ve got a lot to learn
God knows we’re worth it
No, I won’t give up

I don’t wanna be someone who walks away so easily
I’m here to stay and make the difference that I can make
Our differences they do a lot to teach us how to use
The tools and gifts we got yeah, we got a lot at stake
And in the end, you’re still my friend at least we did intend
For us to work we didn’t break, we didn’t burn
We had to learn how to bend without the world caving in
I had to learn what I’ve got, and what I’m not
And who I am

I won’t give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I’m giving you all my love
I’m still looking up
Still looking up.

I won’t give up on us (no I’m not giving up)
God knows I’m tough enough (I am tough, I am loved)
We’ve got a lot to learn (we’re alive, we are loved)
God knows we’re worth it (and we’re worth it)

I won’t give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I’m giving you all my love
I’m still looking up

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3 thoughts on “Holding The Hand You Cannot See

    • Thank you for dropping by my piece of sanctuary:-)

      Glad to know that a piece of my mind and heart had also blessed you in your present situation. Let’s keep believing God for the best:-)

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